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Thursday, October 22, 2020

Should You Be Friends With Your EX?

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Not all relationships will end with ” happily ever after”. If you had one of those relationships, is it OK for you to go back to being friends with your ex-lover? Depending on how your relationship ended, sometimes you may still have some affection for the person you were once with and even want to stay in touch with them. If this is the case, do you think it will be a threat to your new relationship if you went back to being friends with your ex?

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In this article, we will be looking at the reasons why you can or should not remain friends with someone you were once in a romantic relationship with.

That a love affair did not work out between you and someone, does not mean they are your enemy. In fact, that it did not work out means, you both were not compatible, and one of you was smart enough to call it off before more harm was done instead of forcing it.
Friends With Your EXBecause we all know that old flames die hard, I have put together a few things to consider if you want to be friends with your ex-lover without any intention to rekindle what you had.

How the relationship ended?

If the breakup was messy, the chances are that one of both parties may still feel cheated and hurt while the other may still be drowning in guilt. Now, that is no proper foundation to build a friendship because the both of you are not in a right frame of mind.

However, if the breakup was of an agreement, then the both of you can remain friends.
However, there is a risk of one party wanting the relationship back. There are chances that the person who was jilted would still have feelings for the other partner and will make moves to see that they get back together. There is never an entire agreement when it comes to putting an end to a romantic affair.

What are the intentions?

If you choose to be friends with an ex you have to be sure about the intentions for this friendship. Sometimes out of hurt someone might decide to be friends with you to get back at you. Because you’re not in the other person’s mind neither can you read what goes on in their head, it might be difficult to ascertain what the person’s plans are.

But then it is easy to figure out your ex’s capabilities based on their behaviour and whether or not you could trust him or her while you were still dating. If you realise that you couldn’t believe them while you two were dating, then do not let them get too close to you, so they don’t hurt you a second time.

How long ago did you break up?

Well, if you broke up about two weeks or a month ago and want to build a friendship already, that is probably too short a time for you to heal. You need to take out enough time to let go of the pain and heartache that comes with breaking up, so you can be in the right frame of mind to become friends.

Make sure to have built a resistance against bad memories so that when you see your ex, or you speak with him or her, you do not slip into a bad mood or start crying all over again.

Have you moved on with someone else?

Now, this is the tricky part. If you have moved on with someone else at that point, you can’t be selfish anymore. You must put your new lover’s feelings first before yours when it comes to being friends with an ex. You do not want to lose what you now have because of what you have already lost.


Discuss it with your present significant other and let them know why you still want to be friends with your ex. Remember that the goal is not to put your current lover’s emotions at risk but to make them feel emotionally secure. If the person you are currently with does not approve of you being friends with your ex-lover, then stick to simple hey and hi whenever your paths cross.

Do you need your ex as a friend?

Come to think of it do you need friendly ex’s in your life? If you’re deciding to become friends with your ex, there has to be a reason. It could be something you stand to benefit from having them around or just because you miss them and wish them well.

Whatever your goal is, the first thing you should consider is how many exes you already have as friends and how large do you want your circle of friendly exes to be. If you haven’t gotten to the point where you see your ex or someone you just dated a long time ago, then there is no point trying to play catch up with them.

However, if you have gotten to that point where you see your exes as just ordinary people who you once dated, then there will be no particular reason to start a friendship because it will be baseless an inconsequential to your life.

It’s best to move on with life once one phase is over. If a relationship didn’t work out between you and someone friendship probably wouldn’t work out as well especially if you can’t stand them or you hate their guts. However, if you find it necessary to stay in touch with your ex, do so with defined boundaries.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.

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