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Saturday, October 24, 2020

Infidelity and How It Affects Marriage

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What a fuss people make about infidelity in marriages, but is it a fuss? To love someone so dearly enough to give them your everything only to have them betray that union, a union they promised not to defy as they look into your eyes on the altar in front of family and friends.

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You know deep in your heart, you are with the one person who wouldn’t hurt you, who wouldn’t betray the love you are so willing to share with them.

But is it really such a fuss when the person you love makes a fool of you?

This delicate matter of the heart, the secrets shared between two bodies only to be altered by a third party, worst still, the sweet cake that was promised to just you are eaten by a quite number of people.

Affairs kept secret for so long causes the most damage, won’t you agree?

The deceit, the lies and the promises that hold no water. The union between a man and a woman is mostly regarded sacred if and only if both bodies stay true to themselves but what happens if that’s not the case? What happens, if the walls holding the union is being plastered with lies from a cheating partner.

When two people agree to come together as one, this agreement is reached on the grounds of trust, emotional security and more importantly, fidelity.

Marriage is merely the union between two individuals to come together as one body.

  • For better for worse
  • For richer for poorer
  • In sickness and in health
  • Till death do you path

What happens if, after these vows, a partner cheats?

The hours your partner spends at work, time with the boys, unexpected shopping, the phone calls at odd hours, unexpected work trips and the rumours around couldn’t be denied.

Most marriages have been lost to the act of infidelity between spouses. However, some marriages still do survive the bitter effect of cheating. Extramarital affairs are known to not only destroy a home but also have a lasting effect on the children if any.

Do bear in mind that though the fight to save your marriage is a noble one, some marriages should not be saved.

The effect of cheating in marriages

Loss of trust in the cheating partner:

Trust is a vital ingredient in a marriage and when lost, is often difficult to regain. A partner who is cheated on finds it difficult to trust as the affair is done with much manipulations, lies and deceit and nobody wants to be made a fool of.



A partner who has been cheated on would feel a sense of anger towards the cheating partner, and that anger is turned to a form of hatred which builds up with every single mistake the cheating partner makes.


Children, if any, suffer from emotional trauma from parents who are having issues in their marriage, despite the act to hide it.

Emotional trauma:

Partners who have been cheated on feel betrayed since they feel emotionally attached to their spouses who cheated, and their sense of emotional detachment causes a number of psychological regressions.

Physical detachments:

When a partner finds that a spouse has been or has had an affair outside their marriage, they automatically become physically detached as they would avoid being touched, kissed or get involved sexually.

Communication decline:

The line of communication recedes between partners who are dealing with problems in the marriage caused by an affair from a partner.


Couples who suffer from distrust due to affairs from a cheating partner tend to fight and argue a lot. The level of suspicion is heightened, so does the level of insecurities.

The decision to forgive a partner that has cheated, lied, manipulated and played you for a fool is a difficult one. However, it isn’t impossible. It is a giant step in saving a union between two people and despite the severity of the cheating act. Things that should be put into consideration if a marriage must work:

  1. Is your spouse truly remorseful and is willing to make the union between you two work?
  2. Does your spouse understand the level of damage his or cheating has caused your relationship?
  3. Does your partner understand he or she has a problem?
  4. Is the cheating partner willing to change?
  5. Can it be said that this is the first time your partner has made a fool of you by cheating?
  6. Does your spouse admit to being unfaithful?
  7. Is your partner willing to save the marriage as much as you do?
  8. Is he or she ready to see a professional?
  9. Was an apology rendered?
  10. Is it sincere?
  11. Despite your spouse’s excuse for the illicit act, is he or she willing to change as a means to save your marriage?
  12. Is your partner willing to attend marital classes and see a marriage counsellor?
  13. Is your partner willing to be open to you by telling you of the affairs they have had or having if you asked?
  14. Does your partner still communicate with the person or persons they cheated on you with?
  15. Have all ties with the affair partner been cut off?
  16. Are you willing to try to trust your partner again?
  17. Are you ready to forgive your partner for hurting you?
  18. Is the marriage worth fighting for?
  19. Are the both of you willing to make it work and have a fresh start despite all that’s happened?

These and other vital details should be put into consideration if the marriage between you and your spouse have to withstand hard times and by truly letting go, learning to trust and love your spouse would true healing begin.

Oluwafemi Michael
Oluwafemi Michael is an online Mental Health Therapist, Advocate for Mental Health Awareness, a programmer, and also a content creator from Edo state, Akoko-Edo LG.

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