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Saturday, October 24, 2020

How Parenting Affects Your Relationship?

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Becoming a parent is a wonderful experience. At least that’s what people who have succeeded in getting past the first few years of parenting tell the rest of the world who care to listen. But, does parenting have any effect on your relationship with your partner?

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Someone somewhere at this moment is having an awesome relationship with their spouse; taking long walks, eating out as often as possible, having pillow fights, and you know, just cuddling up the entire weekend without having to worry about anything or anyone else but themselves. Sweet selfish time together as I like to call it.

Now, a partner talks about having a baby, and the castle of fun and laughter built over the weekend seems to crumble to dust. Why? In this article, we will find out why many 21st century couples don’t want children and how to find a balance between your love life and parenting.

Becoming a parent takes you from being a narcissist to becoming an empath. life at this point doesn’t revolve around you but the tiny little annoying, yet sweet being you brought into the world. You spend more time caring and worrying about another person than on yourself and this becomes your new life and identity.

While engrossed in the caregiving activities of parenting, (especially for the mothers) you realize there is little or no time to have spontaneous sex, go out to dinner or even engage in conversations outside parenting.

And OH! the insecurities. These tiny little thoughts that ruin beautiful things begin to creep in. Have I grown fatter? Does he still find me sexually attractive? Why do I have stretch marks? all these questions could make the mother less interested in her relationship with her partner and focus more on bonding with her baby or even slip into depression.

Some 21st century men fear that the attention they get from their lovers will be divided once there’s a child (ask the fictional character Christian Grey from fifty shades freed). So, when the talk of having a baby comes up, some of us cower in fear of losing the love, fun, and attention we enjoy as a couple without a child.

Furthermore, having a child can be financially demanding. From the delivery bill at the hospital to purchasing baby supplies, low income earning couples might just be drilling a hole in their pockets and still find it difficult to meet all their daily needs.

This creates a fear of incapability mostly in fathers, causing them to want to work twice harder than they currently are and spending less time with their new family.

When this happens, the mothers begin to feel attention starved and less loved by their once loving partner. Ever heard of the blame game? Couples who are unable to achieve their career goals as a result of parenting, put the blame most of the time, on their babies.


This is mostly true for the “stay at home” moms who only engage in raising the kids and doing the house hold chores. However, if you gather up the courage to take a bold step to becoming a parent, here are a few tips to help you keep it all together.

Be emotionally balanced

Some things that might be funny to your female partner now could become repulsive when she becomes a mother due to the stress and frustration of caring for the new born, so be prepared to be seen as annoying and try not to be offended.

Be Supportive

Try to be physically available for your partner. Try to help with little things around the house when you can so as to ease the burden on her.

Be sweet

Tell her she’s beautiful, tell her you understand that she’s tired, get her nice things if you can afford them. If you want sex, ask nicely.

Get help!

Get a relative or a nanny to help around the house so you both can spend more time together.

Bond with both your partner and your baby

Yes, those few minutes you spend as a family is everything. Try to enjoy watching your baby grow with your partner.

Be financially prepared

If you’re going to have a baby, consider having a stable source of income that will be enough to provide the baby’s basic needs and yours too. You wouldn’t want to run out of diapers and be unable to replace them, would you?

Talk about it!

This just might be the most important of all the tips. You need to have a long talk about it with your partner. Plan on what you want for yourselves as individuals and as a couple, and if you’re ready to take on parenting, make sure both parties are emotionally, physically and mentally balanced enough before you begin the process.

Having a baby may be terrifying, but in the long run, you realize it strengthens your relationship with your partner if properly prepared for and managed. Besides, you can always send the kids to grandma when you need some quality time to get your groove back.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.

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