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Sunday, October 25, 2020

Handling Valentine’s Day as a Single Mother

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Valentine’s day is that one day in the year That has every lady expecting a gift of heart shaped chocolate, sexy lingerie, flowers, and expensive perfumes. For singles mom’s, Valentine is nothing close to that.

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One single mother talks about how Valentine is that time of the year when she had to wait till the night before February 14th to stuff tiny pieces of sweet tarts and rocks into small envelops.

The next thing she finds herself doing us asking her child for the name of every child in the class (including the bully and the extremely shy one) just so everyone gets an envelope.

Every mom wants their child to eat healthy and that includes on Valentine’s day. So this single mom has to go on Pinterest to hunt for healthy snacks that kids will have fun eating and parents will also approve of.

Everyone knows how simple Pinterest makes DIY look and you’ll be misled to think it’ll take you less than 20 minutes to make and pack the snacks.

So on the most romantic day of the year, a lot of single mothers end up crafting Cupid from toothpicks and grapefruits, cutting watermelon into tiny heart shapes, and transporting them to a classroom.

The fact of the matter is that as a single mum almost every holiday is redefined to mean something different for you. Because all of the love you have to give is going straight to the little buddies that warm up your heart; your children.

Many single mothers spend valentine’s day feeling sorry for themselves because there is no one to get them roses, nice underwears, or set up a candle lit dinner which is very understandable.

Considering how people have made valentine a sex filled holiday, who wouldn’t be jealous knowing that the next door neighbour is having the most wonderful sex in the world while you’re stuck in your apartment with your 3 kids who wouldn’t stop yelling?

If you’re a single mum and you’re reading this I want you to know that you’re not alone in this journey and there are ways you can survive through february 14th of every year without feeling like the world is against you and you have nothing to celebrate.


Single Mother

We are going to discuss a few ways to live through valentine’s day feeling like the luckiest person in the world but before we start let us take a look at a brief history of Valentine’s day.

Where did it begin?

I know a lot of us already are aware of the history behind the celebration of valentine’s day on the 14th of February but it wouldn’t do any harm to give a little reminder.

many years ago when the roman empire was at its peak claudius made a ruling that young men were not allowed to get married because he felt that they were better fighters than the ones who were married whenever they went to war.

St valentine decided to become a rebel because he wasn’t comfortable with the ruling and he continued to marry off young couples regardless of the law put in place by claudius.

when gladys discovered what st valentine was doing he got very angry and order this execution. As valentine waited for the day he would die, he fell in love with the daughter of the jail warden. ST valentine was a hopeless romantic so on the day he was the guy he wrote a letter to the love of his life and signed it “from your valentine.”

from then on people began to celebrate February 14th as a day of romance also because the 14th of February aligns with the period when birds begin their mating season.

Single mom or not, it’s still a day to celebrate love

whether you are a single mum who has a boyfriend or single mum who’s just focusing on her kids the point remains that valentine’s day is a day to celebrate love and it doesn’t have to be the romantic kind.

It is not your fault if you hate the idea of valentine as a single mother. It is simply because the concept of love when it comes to valentine has been reconstructed in a narrow way which makes people who do not have romance in their life feel like the world is about to come to an end.

To help you get out of the unpleasant situation you may have boxes yourself in, you need to redefine love for yourself. Understand that love itself is a verb, meaning it is an action and what you do would define what love is to you. Being a single parent is the highest form of love anyone without support can experience.


Every day you go through hell, you hustle just to take care of your kids, and deep down in your heart you know you just want the very best for them regardless of the situation you are in. Guess what, your kids love you right back even when they get naughty (now if that isn’t true love I don’t know what it is).

Be positive about Valentine’s day and enjoy it because you deserve it

valentine’s day should remind you of the strength and power of the love you share with your kids than the pain your ex husband or boyfriend has caused you.

When you begin to see things this way you will find yourself appreciating your children counting your blessings and seeing how far you have come with them every valentines day instead of thinking about how your life would have been a lot better if there was a man to spend valentine’s day with.

Make Valentine’s day about connecting

Set up a nice lunch with your kids or have a picnic and have everybody say nice things about each other. This way you get to discover how much love your children have for you and have plenty of fun at the same time. Invite other single moms and their children, or invite other friends and family.

It can be interesting having other women and children around for fun and drinks on a Valentine’s day. And remember, do something good for yourself. You deserve some relaxation and self love so go get a massage or get your nails done. Get yourself a nice dress or eat out with your kids if you can afford it.

Being a single mom is a job only superheroes can pull off just right, and a super hero is who you are. Enjoy your valentine with your lovely children.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.

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