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Thursday, October 22, 2020

Five Steps to Take When You Feel Broken-hearted

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Falling in love is relatively very easy and it can be so much fun with your heart bursting with so much love that you can muster in your heart. But, what happens when you fall out of love with your partner, how do you deal with it? How do you deal with the massive amount of pain that you feel? How do you cope?

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Well, that’s why this article is coming to you. At some point or another in our lives, we have felt really heartbroken and it seems we weren’t going to come out of it but then, we did. I understand that it can be really frustrating most especially when you don’t even know what you did.

I wouldn’t pretend I know what you are going through because everyone’s threshold of pain is different. However, from research gathered by experts who have met so many people who have been heartbroken, it’s safe to say that they have given out some steps that can help you fell better and likewise get a hold of yourself.

Do you want to be in a better place than you are right now emotionally? Then, the following tips might just be for you.

1. Face it head on, don’t manoeuvre

Have you ever heard of the quote that says “whatever problem you face, face it head-on?”. Well, it also applies here as well. I understand that for someone who feels he/she is broken, the very last thing you want to do is to get up and stand still and feel the pain. But guess what, that is exactly what you need to do.

Here is a simple fact I want you to understand: You have to grieve and feel sad so that you can move on. I know it is painful and you feel very devastated, but you have to face your pain. You are allowed to cry, weep, get mad, do everything that will help you confront the pain. Stop trying to stay strong. You are allowed to feel down every once in a while.

Feel the pain, let it wash through you. You may feel as if you are about to get drowned but don’t worry, you won’t drown rather you will be a survivor. So feel the pain now. You are allowed to take a few days or a couple of weeks to feel better but then, don’t let it drown you. Let it out and feel the relief.

2. Completely detach yourself and enjoy your freedom

It amazes me when I see some people who have gone through some form of heartbreak jump immediately into another relationship claiming that is love. I’m sorry to cut your joy short but that isn’t love, that is only you hiding and feeling insecure.

Understand this: Never enter into a new relationship immediately you conclude the old one. Wanna know why? It is simply because that person is who you are trying to comfort yourself with so that you can somewhat feel a little bit loved.

Let me tell you something amazing again: Most people who enter into new relationships immediately after they just got hurt are only going to hurt their new partner as well. What happens when the scales of grief, sorrow and regret falls off your eye and you begin to ask yourself “How did I ever get here?”.


Don’t do that to someone else. It is as painful as you are currently feeling. Instead enjoy your freedom, go out with friends, see a couple of movies that you have always wanted to see. Try to enjoy time alone with yourself.

Don’t let the pain mess with your emotions else you just might wake up and begin to ask yourself how did you ever become so emotionally dependent?

3. Make a list of your strengths

The honest truth is you are the first motivation you will ever get. Making a list of your strengths will give you the great impression of what only you can do. It will also make you remember that you are unique and a priceless jewel in which the other person lost and guess what, that’s his/her own loss.

When you are feeling down and it feels like nothing is ever going your way, remember that you are strong. Only the strong you could have pulled it off and not the weakling that is threatening to come out.

This method also will help boost your self-esteem in case you are feeling lost, and you are feeling as though you are not worth it. You are priceless dear, so pick yourself and dust yourself off the ground. Wipe those tears, no more self-pity.

4. Change your mental picture of both yourself and your ex

I know it feels like you need to paint your ex as the villain and you the Angel. That is very understandable, however, how about you ease a little bit of your stress by changing how you see your ex.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t almost-want to hate him/her even if it is just for a moment. However, it may help you if you decide to him/her in another perspective other than your own. Hating on them isn’t going to last forever and it gets old as well as tiring. Save all that strength for something better that will be worth your while.

5. You are going to love again

Always know that you are still going to find that special person to love you. Never fall into the trap of your thoughts at that moment. Let me tell you a little secret. Your thoughts and your emotions go hand-in-hand.

The fact that you are feeling all low and broken with probably a crushed self-esteem will only allow your thought play with your head. You may begin to have thoughts such as “will I ever find love again?”, or “Am I good enough to even be loved?”.

Let me answer those questions and any other question you may have. Yes, you are going to find love again, you are going to enjoy the love you find and that person will be yours for the entire time.


Don’t allow that vicious circle to be established in your heart because once it happens, what your head will keep telling you is “You are not good enough”. Probably, you have been in the relationship for a couple of years, it feels like where are you ever going to start from? Let me tell you this, you are unique, loved and special. Don’t accept otherwise.

Deborah Akinola
Wirter, poet and public speaker

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