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Thursday, October 22, 2020

How to Handle Your First Date?

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Going on the first date with a guy you probably like so much can be very exciting and mind blowing. You probably feel the butterflies in your stomach because he has finally asked you out on a date. It is a great thing isn’t it? But then again, hold on.

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Do you know that there are somethings that you can do to turn that great first date into a very sour date? And likewise, there are somethings that you can do that will turn that great first date into a great second date and on and on till it becomes a great relationship and ultimately, you both get to spend the rest of your lives together.

You may be wondering what exactly does this mean? Can’t I have fun anymore and just be myself? This article is supposed to help you have fun, relax, be yourself but as well be cautious of some few things that may turn things sour for you.

We all have heard of the phrase that says, “All first impressions matter a lot”. Yes, this is very true even for the first date. You have to have a great first date, so you can have a great second date. Here are a few things you need to put on your check list to remember to either do or don’t do.

Avoid starring at him all night long

He is cute and you going all ‘puppy’ eyes on him will make you look too desperate to have him. One thing you should have in mind is that ALL guys love it when a lady challenges them. They even like the chase. Most guys will never admit this fact anyways but that won’t stop this from being a fact.

No matter how much you liked this guy, or you have been itching to go out with him, DON’T tell him that. Be very careful to act as normal as possible even though deep within you, you are literally shouting for joy.

You don’t need to tell him great you think he is. Instead of doing that, you can just simply throw in a compliment and after throwing in the compliment, don’t dwell in on it. Move on to other topics.

Don’t tell him he is the perfect guy for you as this tends to scare most men off. Please, don’t tell him how you think he would make the perfect dad or how great your future with him will be.

You may probably be wondering how ridiculous this sounds, but as ridiculous as it sounds, some women may find themselves going down this way but as much as we can, ladies let’s avoid it, shall we?

Don’t go all drunk on him

We probably have had one of those embarrassing alcohol moments in our lives, haven’t we? Remember how you felt after that embarrassing moment? You remember how awful you felt? Now magnify that feeling a million times, that is how you would feel if you go all drunk on him during the first date.

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Drinking alcohol excessively on the first date is in most cases (about 98% of the time) a sure way to ensure that you will never see that great guy again. Imagine how your first date with that great guy would be if all you do on that date is to throw up on him, tell him all your deepest darkest life secrets that you probably don’t want to go out, cry and act all dramatic on him.

Imagine how embarrassed he would feel and how embarrassed you feel the morning after. If you want to avoid all these dramatic incidences, then make sure you don’t take more than a beer or a glass of alcohol that is if at all you must take alcohol. I would rather advice that you take water, wine or juice to be on the safe side.

Always speak up your mind in a polite way

If you don’t like the venue or restaurant he picked for the date, if you don’t like sushi and he picked a sushi restaurant or if you don’t like Chinese food and you find yourself going to a Chinese restaurant, please speak up.

No guy likes a pushover and remember it’s your first date and he is trying to get to know you. He just might be assuming that you should probably like sushi or a Chinese takeout, or he is probably thinking you are into romantic movies (just like all girls) whereas you are into action movies. Help him out by speaking up.

Don’t wait till you get to the venue before you tell him. That is rude, and it will make his efforts look like they have gone to waste. The safer option is to ask him where the date would take place or better still give him suggestions of places you would like to go or sites you would like to see. He just may take a cue from that.

Also, be bold and know what you want to eat or drink during the date. Don’t always leave it to the guy to pick your drink or meal. Every guy likes a confident woman who knows her thing. The attitude of always leaving the guy to get to pick your drink or meal gets really old really fast.

Dress comfortably

Most ladies tend to miss it when it comes to this option. They feel that since it is the first date, then they need to wear something “alluring” with shoes that are six feet high etc. We get that you want to look your best for that first impression but when you overdo it, then it just might turn sour for you.

It’s your first date, but that isn’t the time to try that new heels or that new tight dress. This is because for the first date, the level of anxiety is high. You don’t need to add another stress to you by being uncomfortable in what you are wearing.

Here is a secret: Most guys know when you are feeling uncomfortable with what you are wearing. They just might keep quiet and watch you making a mockery of yourself. In order not to have that impression, wear things that you feel most comfortable in.

If you are comfortable in a simple beautiful dress and flats, please go for it. Don’t wear a tight dress with shoes that are high as the hill. You just might want to take a walk around on the beautiful evening and you just wearing too high a heel might just hinder that.

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Mind your time

I understand that you need to look very beautiful and sexy for that date, but it won’t be nice to keep your date waiting while you are still trying to fix your face. We know that there is something known as one being fashionably late and also it is a known fact that ladies are known for coming late but try not to be late on your first date.

How would you feel if you were the one kept waiting? Awful right? Then don’t keep your date waiting. Mind your time and he would appreciate it so much.

Don’t over obsess about your look

Sincerely, there is a tendency for all ladies to do this, but we have to curtail this obsession. Running to the restroom to touch up your make-up, powder or lipstick just won’t do it. Please, avoid doing that. Running to the restroom every minute or you are bringing out that little mirror we all carry around won’t be nice.

Instead, look beautiful before you go out with him and then focus all that intense energy to making a good conversation with him and stop obsessing about your appearance, will you?

Remember to smile

Don’t go looking like you were forced to come out on that date with him. Guys always look out for your smile to know if they are doing something right and you smiling right back at them will give him a good impression about you. But also remember not to make it excessive so that you don’t look weird.

Focus on him and not your phone

Dear ladies, you are on a date with a guy you like not with your phone. Stop checking your phone every minute as if you are expecting time to run out and you need to go home.

There is nothing as rude as being in a conversation with a person who is constantly on his/her phone. This simply depicts that your date is a bore. Checking your Facebook statuses or tweets are a good thing, but can you please leave them till later?

Start up a conversation

Now on your first date, you can allow your date to start up the conversation initially. In fact, I will advise you to allow him start up the conversation first, so you don’t look too eager.

But then, when it is getting to that awkward silence, you can try to keep the conversation going by asking questions. Things that you feel you should know on the first date are the things you should ask.

Don’t go asking of he would like to have 3 or 4 kids or how he would want the colour of your bedroom to be. You can always start little by talking about the weather, traffic, work, hobbies, etc till you both are comfortable to move on to the more serious questions like exes etc.

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You can always offer to pay

Now, this doesn’t mean your date can’t pay your bills, it simply means that you are offering to be a support. Most guys like ladies that they can always lean on when in need either financially, emotionally etc. No one likes a liability.

Now if you offer to pay and he actually agrees, then be prepared to pay so that you don’t look as if you were only bragging about paying. No one likes a person who brags about something he or she can’t do. Whatever you do, don’t let him feel that he must always pay, and you are always entitled to that. Most guys would run after they notice that.

Don’t be so self-indulged

While you are making a conversation with your date, Endeavour to always ask or know things about him to. Don’t let it be all about you all the time.

Yes, we know that you are great but guess what, he also wants to be flattered that way too. So, don’t always make it feel as if he should be grateful for having you at his table. Remember that there is an actual person who is also great at your table as well.

Don’t go all out speaking only about yourself without knowing about him. If you do, you just might as well say bye to him.

Except he asks you, don’t bring up your ex

No one wants to hear about their partner’s ex on the first date. The first date is about you and him not about you and some guy in your past. Except he brings up the topic himself, don’t begin to tell him the gory details of your past life.

If you are the one to bring up the story about your ex without him asking you, then it seems like you are still hung up on your ex or you want a pity party from him. You honestly don’t want to start a new relationship that way.

Don’t start acting like a desperate lady

Don’t start telling him how you want your house to be like, how many kids you want or how big you wedding is going to be. Doing that simply screams desperation. You might already be viewing him as your soulmate but don’t voice it out just yet. Just enjoy the date and maybe on later dates, you guys can discuss about it.

Avoid asking him how financially stable he is

Truth is though finances are really important but don’t bring it up during your first date conversation. Doing this will make you look cheap and also make it look as if all you are after is that “big, fat” wallet of his.

There are more subtle ways to go about it and the honest truth is on the long run, you would later discover if he is financially stable or not. Avoid questions like where he sees himself in a couple of years’ time, how lucrative his Job is, how much he makes, or if he may be getting promoted soon.

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If you must ask questions related to his job, be genuinely interested in getting to know how his job works. Let him see the genuine interest in getting to know what he does for a living and then trust me, he would begin to open up to you.

Be polite and considerate

Some ladies on their first date will sound very rude to the guy or sound as if they are doing him a favour by going on a date with him. If you are aiming for a relationship, do not go down that road.

Be polite to the him. Use words like “thank you” and “I’m sorry” appropriately when it is needed. This shows that you have a good character and above all, you respect his ego. Most men are a big bundle of ego and they need their ego to be respected.

So, while being on your first date with a guy, make sure you have a good character that he would be proud of most especially if you want a relationship with him. Good character will definitely put you in his limelight faster than you think.

I hope this article has been able to help you. These things when put into consideration will help you get hooked for a second and third date and then eventually marriage. We wish you a superb time during your date and remember, be yourself but don’t overdo it.

Deborah Akinola
Wirter, poet and public speaker

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