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Sunday, October 25, 2020

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

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There comes a time in a person’s life that the decision to be with someone is made. No one wants to be alone, especially not when the need for physical intimacy is needed. As a child, you see the adults around you in pairs, and you can’t help but wonder why it’s always been that way, sometimes even parents have their kids ask weird questions like, “how did you two ever meet?”

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You remember your favourite uncles who you thought was going to be single for the rest of his life because he was a workaholic, shocked everyone when he brought home his girlfriend for dinner over the weekend.

Your aunt, on the other hand, won’t stop complaining about her fiancé who doesn’t treat her nice. Mom and her friends would gather round and advise her to dump his cheating ass as she wipes the mascara off her face. “Kick him out” you heard one of them say, “he isn’t worth your tears”.

You are older and ready, or so you think. There is this girl down your street. You bumped into her a couple of times, but you are too shy to say a word. You manage to get her name, heard it from one her friends at the mall, and you haven’t stopped thinking about her since. The daydreaming has been constant. You’ve had wet dreams, and she was the character in it.

You searched her on “Facebook”, and her heart beats faster than when you got your dad upset, and you are sure he’s going to whoop your ass. All your friends are dating, and you are sure you are ready to date too but how sure are you? Shouldn’t there be things to consider before deciding you are ready for a relationship? Things to consider:

Is it what I want?

Fighting With a Loved One

This question is very vital as it plays a significant role in your decision to go into a relationship. Is being a relationship what you want at this point in your life? Are your choices made because your friends are dating and you also feel the need to? You should know being in a relationship requires a lot from you.

It isn’t the typical love movies you see on your favourite telenovelas. Why do you want to be in a relationship? Are you confident it isn’t because you want to use it to fill some emotional flaw? Be sure you are going into a relationship for all the right reasons.

Are you mentally fit for a relationship?

Most of the decisions we make in life go a long way in shaping up and helps determine your mental stability. Do you think you are mentally fit to withstand all the emotional stress that comes with being in a relationship?

Relationships take up time and energy, as well as commitment. If you and your prospective partner aren’t ready to give up that much in the relationship you wish to have, then you can be sure you aren’t prepared emotionally and mentally.

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Is it love or lust?

One thing you should be aware of is, there is a considerable gap between love and lust. Be sure what you feel isn’t in fact lust and just the need for something physical (SEX). Knowing this difference helps you understand what you want and aids in setting emotional boundaries without getting yourself hurt.

Are you aware of what your would-be partner wants?

It is of the utmost importance to know if what the person you wish to be in a relationship with feels just the same way you feel for them. If the feelings aren’t mutual, then you might have to reconsider your choices.

Be sure you and you aspiring significant other are rocking the same emotional boat before you start stirring. Relationships hit rock bottom even before they begin because individuals don’t take the time to evaluate the state of things before concluding they are ready.

You could start by directly asking “what do you feel for me”? “Do you love me or is it something else”? “What are your plans for me”? These questions go a long way in helping you determine your position in the other person’s life.

Is this long-term or short-term?

Some relationships don’t necessarily end in marriage, but it is advisable to know what you want from a partner. What does your would-be partner want? Is it a part-time affair or you are only tasting the waters?
What are his or her plans for you? What are your ideas? Are you both on the same page? Putting all these into consideration determines how you want your relationship, and it also helps to know where the relationship is headed.

Are you sure you are not getting into a rebound relationship?

This question is best answered by the person you are about to get into a relationship with. Is he or she just coming out of a relationship and wants to use you as a rebound? If this is the case, then it is not a good way to start a relationship as it doesn’t end well, since he or she is only using you to fill in the gaps of the ties they recently left.

Sometimes, loves happens in ways we don’t plan, and you don’t get the chance to think about all these factors, but if you are caught in the love-at-first-sight, don’t forget to think with your head before soaking your heart in regrets.

Oluwafemi Michael
Oluwafemi Michael is an online Mental Health Therapist, Advocate for Mental Health Awareness, a programmer, and also a content creator from Edo state, Akoko-Edo LG.

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