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Thursday, October 22, 2020

8 Things We Should Never Allow in the Name of Friendship

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The only person who should be able to decide how your life takes shape should be you and you alone. Allowing someone else dictates for you should be entirely out of the question.

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I can understand the dependency stage – a period where you have to depend on your parents for support- is a phase a good number of us can’t ever escape, but as soon as adulthood comes knocking, decision making should be yours to make and yours alone.

Allowing the negative influence of other individuals decide on how you shape your life should be considerably reduced without question and with defined efficiency.

It is crucial that you know how to protect yourself from people who are ever willing to choke their opinions and thoughts down our mind. How do you do that? I will elucidate. Read on.

1. Protect your circle: Pick your friends wisely

Your state of mind can be significantly affected by the company you keep. In situations where the kind of people you always relate with tend to involve in dirty, unhealthy acts; there is little or no way you wouldn’t also want to join, whether willingly or they pressure you to.

It is crucial that you detach yourself from such company immediately because your relationship with good people might be critically jeopardized overtime. Commit to the company people who mean well for you physically, mentally, financially, morally, spiritually and in all areas.

Bad communication corrupts good manners. You can always tell quickly if the company you find yourself in wouldn’t favour you by how they communicate their ideas, their thoughts. If there is nothing positive about what they have to offer, then you are clearly moving in the wrong crowd.

2. Your dreams are important

Good things don’t always come by a stroke of luck. Hard work and consistency are needed tools in paving your way when challenges arise in the form of disapproval, criticism and bad reviews.

It makes it even worse when the people you call friends are the ones putting you down with words to discourage you, “what if it doesn’t work?” “but you don’t have what it takes?” “you are only wasting your time”.

If you know you are a dream chaser and you want to get something out of life, then you should consider those who you are surrounded by. Mind you; criticisms are necessary for steering us in the right direction.


However, if words directed at you put you down instead of igniting your passion, then you should change your friends.

3. You need all the encouragement you can get

Quite a number of times when dreams are near achievement, you hit a snag that can make all you’ve ever done to get to that point upsetting. Reactions from your friends should be a clear indication of the kind of people you are friends with.

Those who care would readily push you on and encourage you not to give up by making you understand that “you are almost there” “it’s almost over” “don’t give up”. Friends who would pull you down would make you doubt yourself and have you lose interest in what is most important to you.

It is essential that you don’t let the words of other people have a negative influence on your plans for the future. Stay away from such friends who would instead do nothing but waste your time.

4. Know when it’s enough

It’s very essential to be grateful for what you have, because too much of everything, as they commonly say, isn’t always good.

Never allow people to push you into wanting or giving things that make you seem ungrateful or have you displease yourself for them. Know your limit.

Be appreciative of what you have. Don’t go overboard by overworking yourself in acquiring things you do not need. You should watch out for those kinds of friends who continuously push you to go overboard. There are limits to things that we should do for ourselves.

5. Stick to your hobbies and routines

When you are already used to some activities that you enjoy doing, and you positively benefit from, there is this rush of excitement that comes with it.

Now some friends would instead kill your mood with their jealousy just because you seem happier than them. Nothing should affect your happiness, not especially your friends.

Never allow that come between you and what makes you happy. It is their problem, not yours if they are not on the same page as you and do not share the same level of enthusiasm as you.


Your thoughts and ideas are what drive you. Continue developing your skills in ways that best help you reach your goals without anyone’s interference.

6. Do not let yourself be deceived

I’ve come to understand that there are liars and there are pathological liars. Trust me; you don’t want to be around a pathological liar.

Before the lying rubs off on you, it is advised that you immediately cut off from such person so it doesn’t affect you and how you think.

Even when you know they are lying, they confuse you with even more lies. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated and used in the name of friendship. Cut off ties immediately.

7. Engage in sensible conversations

It is utterly pointless and considered a waste of time to engage in talks that may lead to an argument that has no bearing.

If you have friends who insist on having their opinion aired in bouts of arguments and aren’t willing to accept yours, even though yours makes even more sense, then you should consider being far from them. There is no use wasting your time in trying to reason with them.

It isn’t your problem if people don’t understand you, or at least try to get what you are trying to say. It’s not your fault that people resort to arguing each time you want to bolster a point. It isn’t healthy for your state of mind. Cut off.

8. Never allow anyone to make you feel ashamed

The past has a way haunting us that it makes us feel ashamed of the actions we took. Nonetheless, it is important to note that, as much as we can’t control how the past haunts us, it shouldn’t be triggered by people we call friends.

People who have no problem in reminding you of your past mistakes and how embarrassing it is, just to get a good laugh, can cause you emotional harm, mess you mentally and toy with your happiness, should not be your friends.

The past is the past, and it should be left that way. People who feel they can use it to manipulate how you think by digging your past up aren’t worthy to be called your friends.


You are solely responsible for how your life should take shape. Allowing outside influence would only keep you off focus. I do hope you enjoy reading this piece.

Feel free to add on the comment section any experiences you must have had with negative friends and ways you used in overcoming them. Thank you.

Oluwafemi Michael
Oluwafemi Michael is an online Mental Health Therapist, Advocate for Mental Health Awareness, a programmer, and also a content creator from Edo state, Akoko-Edo LG.

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