Conflict in a relationship isn’t uncommon and it’s quite easy to hurt your partner’s feelings with your actions and your words during a fight. A fight that could have been solved easily without much drama.
This can cause resentment between both parties and if care is not taken, may lead to a break up or worst still, divorce in a marriage. Here is a list of 7 things you should never do in your relationship when there is a fight.
1. Don’t involve a third party
When you are having a fight with your partner, that should be between the both of you. It is easier solved together. However, when you start involving family and friends into your disagreements, you are creating the impression that you aren’t capable of handling your relationship problems.
You always want to seek mom and dad’s opinion whenever you man acts up. That’s not good. Sit yourselves down. Talk it out like adults. Explain your feelings and keep it between you two. By calling a third party into your business, you risk turning little issues into a real family mess. And even if your partner don’t talk about it, he or she would probably resent you secretly for involving family and friends into something that concerns just the both of you.
2. Violence should be the last thing
I am yet to see situations where violence solved anything. When arguing or fighting, couples tend to display their worst characters in the worst way because they let their anger control them. You should never allow yourself or your partner come down to using violence to make a point.
This would only make things worst no matter how complicated the situation. Asides the physical implications, the verbal abuse could also cause some mental damages that may never be undone. So I’d advice you take a step back to cool off. Find a distraction, especially when you notice you or your partner are about to lose it. That should put things in perspective without either of you hurting your feelings any further.
3. Don’t connect one issue with other issues
It’s enough for your partner to upset you and you take the time to talk it out. That one mistake is settled and solved on its own. But when you begin to link that one mistake with other mistakes your partner has made, then there is an issue.
If the major reason for fighting is your partner not replying your text, then let it be about your partner not replying your text. Don’t raise up other faults or issues you and your partner have had and settled before. This is you simply raising settled dust and that my friend, wouldn’t be doing your relationship any good. You are doing nothing but turning simple issues into a cause for uglier conflict.
Trust me, you don’t need that kind of negative energy in your relationship. You could instead lay out your concerns and how it makes you feel. Surprisingly, your partner might have a logical explanation as to why he or she didn’t reply your text at the time they ought to.
4. Never ever suggest a breakup or a divorce
Get this people: Just because you are your partner are having issues doesn’t give room for any major separation. Yes! Read that again. When you or your partner suggest a separation or a divorce, this suggests that you or your partner have no respect for the relationship.
You are simply looking for an excuse to quit and you have it. Doing this is also an insult to your partner and you are hurting your partner’s feelings. And even if you don’t mean it, saying you want it might actually make it happen. So, stop it!
5. Don’t walk out in the middle of a fight
Walking out on your spouse during a fight only indicates how uncomfortable you are being with your partner when things get messy. It’s also a clear sign of disrespect and disregard for the relationship. You should sit down and talk it out no matter how uncomfortable or inconveniencing it is.
You should also never slam the door, raise your voice or get physical because you are trying to prove a point. Your partner has every right to express their feelings and it is only proper you express yours as well. But do so with all the maturity you can possibly muster.
If at all you sense that you wouldn’t be able to control your anger, explain to your partner that now isn’t the right time and you need some moment to clear your mind enough to be mentally ready. Give a time frame so your partner doesn’t feel like you are leaving the issue hanging. Try saying, “ could we talk about this in 30 minutes?” Or an hour or can we do this tomorrow morning please? Or after work I promise we would address this issue. Don’t just walk away!
6. Do not go to bed separately
No matter how angry you are, resist the urge to let you partner sleep alone. Most conflicts get solved easily just because partners sleep on the same bed and they unconsciously hold each other over the night and wake up like nothing has happened the night before.
By going to bed separately, you are simply letting your partner know you aren’t ready to let peace reign and don’t care if they are sleeping alone because you are fine all by yourself. Sleeping together on the same bed helps resolve conflict easily than sleeping separately. You don’t need any relationship therapist explaining that to you.
7. Avoid fighting in public
There is probably no atom of respect between you and your partner in your relationship if you both fight in public for the whole world to see. Don’t wash your dirty laundry outside. It is better to wait till you get home before you express yourself instead of letting your emotions take over you in public and make a fool of yourself in front of strangers.
What measures do you take to resolve conflict in your relationship? How best do you resolve issues between you and your spouse? Share with us in the comments.